My kids are 7 and 4, and I have never been one to talk baby talk or any of that other crap to them. I feel sometimes stuck in this weird place where I know I talk to them above their age, and sometimes have an unreasonable expectation of their maturity. Some of that may stem from the fact that Fin acts like an adult. I forget that he is 7, that to him the world is about fairness, and equality.
I want to keep them frozen in time at the EXACT moment they are living in. Then it passes, and NEW and wonderful place enters the picture, then I want them frozen in THAT place. My mutlets are articulate, bright, and act beyond their years. I try to say sensitive to the actual state of their age, and emotional development. And its HARD.
At times Hubs and I resort to using sign language to share a commentary about Ray when we don’t want to clue her in. Fin is well versed in spelling, and signs and so the secret communication methods are totally ineffective on him. At dinner Ray was exhausted, and in such a state of frailty that everything was an emotional outburst. As we sat and watched her slowly deteriorate over a dropped spoon, and dribbling milk, I signed to Hubs, “T” “I” “R” “E” “D”.
“I AM NOT!”
Was her loud and distinct response. Incredulous, and also sad at the thought that our last avenue of secret communication is at last lost, we asked her what we spelled.
“TIRED – because EVERY TIME I cry or get upset you ALWAYS say it’s because I’m TIRED. It’s NOT, I’m not always sad because I’m tired.”
She is right. At four she has reached a place where there is a recognition, a demand, to acknowledge the validity of her emotions outside of all the easy excuses. It’s not because she is tired, or hungry, or all the simple culprits parents use to explain away the out pouring of emotion from their children. Good bad or indifferent, my house growing up was not an emotional hotbed, and admittedly, I often myself do not show a wide range of outward emotion outside of frustration, anger, and impatience. Is that because of who I am? Or years of example, and a dismissive response to how I felt? Ill ask Freud….
Ray, I promise you this – from this day forward I will give full credence to each and every emotion you share. I will not dismiss it because of age, fatigue, hunger, or because you are a girl. I want you to embrace it, live in it completely, and never think that what you feel in that moment is anything but valid, and wonderful.
