My Quirky Boy

In the span of just a few days it goes from chilly to nippy. At the start of the week it seemed like fall, and now there is no question it is winter.

I traveled this week for the first time away from the baby. I went through days of anxiety about leaving her. She sleeps next to me, nurses through the night, and I at times feel as bonded to her, as she is to me. The Princess P, my Gal Pal. I like my work, and I am good at it. My company has been more than generous with situating me so that my travel is significantly reduced since I had baby number 2. But I was tortured when I had to leave, I didn’t want to go. I am not a big flyer, but I do it. Usually I just drive to the airport, and go. I do believe when it’s your ticket, it’s your ticket. But I kept thinking as I was walking down the hall to get on the plane, if it went down I was going to be really pissed. In my head I was wondering if my job was worth it. If the added liability to my existance by the travel piece of being away from my family was worth it. In my head the answer is not so much.

Fin is having a rough run these days, and we are not 100% sure why. He has been going to after school care at a local lady’s house and she has 2 typically developing kids. We think that for Fin, this is an amazing experience. They watch too much TV, play video games, eat sugary snacks, and a whole host of other things that are not endorsed at home. The boys are obsessed with the movie Cars. We went through, I think are still going through a challenging time with Fin because he wants everything they have. Fin does not self advocate at all, so when the boys are playing with a toy Fin would like to play with he says nothing. The frustration builds like a rain cloud. Fin uses every ounce of his energy to keep it together, then when he gets picked up, and hubby is walking to the car with Fin, he falls apart. The tantrums are titanic, and we never know until much later what is the cause. This new thing with coming home every day and saying “I need ______”, is both tiring, and awesome. He is doing what other kids do, and I think he wants very badly to be accepted by the other kids. He thinks that if he has the same toys he can some how relate, and include himself more in their play. We have never seen him care about that before. In the past he would always just go off, do his own thing, and not care about everyone else. We are not sure why this is different, the way they do things is so different from us, but it is good for him. I also believe because it is just 4 or 5 kids, as opposed to 12, it seems a little more manageable for him.

I took him to a Development Specialist he has been seeing since he was a year and a half. School was the hot topic of discussion. He can site read, add, subtract, learning to write, and is learning to use the computer. His hand eye coordination is scary. All of this he is learning at home, from us. Really the only thing he is getting out of school is the social aspect. I do believe it is a good thing, and that he needs that. But the Dr. and I discussed what that is going to mean for him. She feels that school is not going to help him learn academically. School is going to serve the sole purpose of social education, and that piece is going to be challenging enough that he won’t be comfortable enough to learn anything in a classroom, and he won’t find that part of it interesting anyway. She said the goal for us would be to hope that he can on some level socially adjust at some point along the way. But it is more likely he will find a friend like him, and that will be his social world. His road will not be easy, the slight stims, the fact that he is almost 4 and still drools, and generally is kind of an odd kid. Adults appreciate him, but when you know him, you forget how young he is. He talks like a much older child, that will also stigmatize him in school.

We are considering home schooling him. I am doing lots of homework, and working on a plan that we are already implementing. He is so bright. Already the everyday interaction with other kids creates so much stress. I dropped him off at school this week, and the other kids come up and hug him, he stands there, stiff and straight, not responding to anyone. Life should just not be so hard when you are 3 years old.