29 Days and counting.
I go back to work in 29 days. Some days I am ready, most days the baby is not ready. On some days I am not ready either. I am talking a good game to myself, but I think it will be harder for me to leave her than it was to leave Fin. She has an attachment to me on a level that I never had with Fin. I could leave him with anyone and he was fine. We did not develop attachment issues with him until he could talk, and even then I think his reactions were more based on my anxiety than his. But the baby is really attached, I can’t even leave her to go to the bathroom with out her screaming “Where the hell did you GOOOO!?!” in baby speak. Last night the baby had an ugly night, crying her brains out. Hubby and I were playing pass the baby, we would take a turn holding her until we could not take it, then pass her back over. Ugh.
I will miss my mornings of solitude. Once the boys leave, I usually have a few hours before Miss Noon Time opens her eyes. Once I go back to work I will have no time to myself. I know when I look back I will be telling myself “What did I do with all that time?” I will be lamenting the things I could have accomplished as opposed to sitting in front of the computer. It’s been nice, it’s been nice not living my life like a maniac.
We have a calendar up on the wall of our kitchen, and generally it is packed with appointments. Since we are going on vacation this month, it is even more packed. When I look at it I wonder how the heck we get anything done with 2 full time working parents. How did we ever find the time to squeeze it all in before? I forget, and I can’t imagine how we are going to do it again.
We have entered the world of dream scenarios. If it were an option, I would stay home with my kids, but right now it isn’t. We have started playing the game of “In a perfect world……” and coming up with ways that we could possibly make it happen. Living somewhere cheaper, then we worry about services for Fin. Could we do it? Live somewhere really remote? I think mentally I could, hunny totally could. I could see him being a finalist on Survivor. How would the kids do with? Fin would be fine, if he were surrounded by just us, he would be perfectly happy. That is the other concern, how would he ever learn social skills? Am I smart enough to home school the kids? I hear all these stories of people who gave up their practical lives, and started to live their dream life. I want to be one of those people, all I have to do is figure out what my dream life would be. Not as easy as it sounds.
Fin had a packed weekend, he went swimming 2 days in a row, had his hair cut, helped me work in the yard, and various other activities. He asked for some kitchen stuff because he wanted to cook. He set up a little kitchen for himself in front of the TV, and while I watch Food TV he had his own little cooking show going on. I thought it was great until it came time for me to vacuum up all the little things that got stuck in the carpet from his little kitchen experiment. He also participated in one of his new favorite activities of taking a piece of paper, some scissors and cutting teeny tiny pieces of paper off of a bigger piece. The result is microscopic paper bits that he then uses to put into other things, like trucks, and other toys. Again an activity that results in tiny paper pieces everywhere, on every surface, and all over the floor in my house.
The most impressive play he does is when he builds.
He has regular building blocks but he never uses them, he seemed to take a particular liking to the Jenga blocks. He builds these beautiful towers, and houses. They are very modern, and colorful, and hubby and I are always really excited when he builds them. We have been taking pictures to document his early experiments in architecture. Maybe that is what he will be when he grows up. If you ask him he want to be a “Fix It Man”, but I think designing building isn’t too far off.
6 responses so far ↓
1 Tara // Jul 31, 2006 at 1:15 pm
Those Jenga towers Fin builds are impressive! I just blogged today about leaving the busy rat race behind and finding a remote corner of the world to raise Littleman. It is certainly easier said then done, and I am guilty of becoming attached to the trappings of everyday life as much as the next person.
My husband and I have considered homeschooling- I think it is a committment of time more than anything. We are leaving it on the table as an option- just waiting to see how Kindergarten goes. Littleman told me rather emphatically today that he is NOT going to school! Oh boy- can’t wait for September!!
2 Kari // Jul 31, 2006 at 2:21 pm
Nice. Very orderly and well balanced. You are correct to see an architect in his future.
3 Tara // Jul 31, 2006 at 3:49 pm
Hey Meg, it’s me again- I wanted to answer the question you posed about Littleman and floortime. The answer to that would be yes, although not in a formal manner. The preschool that Littleman attended for three years favored a a Floortime model in terms of their interactions with children on the spectrum. Littleman has had Speech and Occupational therapy and continued Behavioral therapy. We had a behaviorist who would consult with and develop goals and objectives with his one to one aide. We are going to continue with a shared classroom aide in Kindergarten and she will be ABA trained. We never embraced just one intervention. We have been fortunate to find a preschool, behaviorist and Speech and OT person who all worked collaboratively, many times these service were delivered at Littleman’s school. Hope this info. helps!! Tara
4 Kristina // Jul 31, 2006 at 5:57 pm
I’ve worked almost full and then full-time for the past five years—though I’m always looking at my watch or cell phone and running for the door, cutting short meetings, and all. Do you have childcare set up? I was lucky when Charlie was a baby: There was a childcare center on the campus of where I was teaching and I visited him every day at lunch.
Nonetheless, I’ve always been very glad to have a job to go to—otherwise I would do more than live and breathe autism!
5 Me! // Aug 2, 2006 at 1:27 am
Hi Tara –
Fin too receives a varity of services, through the summer he has been getting 10+ hours a week of Floortime. The town is paying for it for now, and that will end for us in the fall. (Love those school administrators, NOT). Anyway, floortime has been AMAZING for Fin. 10 hours 1 on 1 play therapy and us trying to continue it at home. We have seen a huge change in his social interaction with other kids. I don’t know anyone else with a kid like Fin who has had as much success as we have with the floortime therapy. This fall he is going to be back to getting OT and Speech as well, he was receiving those too up until his 3rd Birthday in April. Since then it has only been floortime while we battle out his IEP.
That is one thing that is so hard, all the ASD kids are so different, that different things work to help them. And it is all through trial and error, sometimes that process is painful for all of us.
6 Me! // Aug 2, 2006 at 1:30 am
Hi Kristina –
I do have childcare set up. If you can believe it, I was on a waiting list for 6 months, and had visited 10 centers, only to be happy with the quality of care at ONE center.
I have always worked, and liked working, and not sure why going back now is much harder than it was when Fin was born. Transitions have never been difficult for me, but this one sure is. In the long run, maybe it is good for me to go back to work, my hubby thinks it is.
Helps me understand Fin’s aversion to change a little better!!! LOL
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